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Thursday, March 17, 2011

Infested

My daughter, Lindsey, treated me to a television program I'd never seen before, entitled, Infested. The funny thing about a blog entitled, Product Favorites is that I can choose any product I've used, seen, or wanted – from items that condition my hair to programs I watch on TV.

To be honest, Infested was the most repulsive program I've ever seen. And repulsive makes for fascinating. I sat riveted to the television, unable to move. Had anybody been taping my reaction to what I had been watching, though, they would have seen sheer disgust mixed with shock splashed all over my face.

Probably the reason this particular program fascinated me was that I had personally witnessed an infestation before. Apartment hunting many years ago, I found one in my price range. After standing at the door and knocking for some time, a little woman finally came around the corner from the outside of the apartment. She looked me up and down and said, "I no think you gonna like it."

But I had made the trip and thought, "How bad could it be?"

She repeated, "I no think you gonna like it."

And I stupidly responded, "That's OK. I'm here. I might as well take a look."

What I should have said was, "My whole purpose in being here is to ingrain in my brain a nightmare I will have for the rest of my life," because I've learned over the years that when you ask a question that begs an answer, you discover the answer quickly. "How bad could it be?"

Let me tell you.

The front door was locked from the inside and she didn't have a key so we had to climb in through the window. You would think that alone would have been a giant red flag, but it wasn't. Because it was dark inside, after I stepped over the window ledge and into the darkness, she told me, "Stay. I gonna turn on light."

So I obediently stood still. When she turned on the light, I felt as if I were in the midst of an acid trip. The walls, ceiling, and floor were moving. No, actually, the walls weren't moving. The millions of cockroaches, measuring probably from microscopic to three inches long and all sizes in between, were moving – EVERYWHERE.

Looking back I don't know why I didn't just run out of the window, but because I was trying to be polite, I followed her from room to room, watching the cockroaches span out from my shoes with every step. I don't remember the layout of the apartment. I don't remember what the woman look like. I don't even remember exactly where this apartment was located.

What I do remember is getting out of that apartment and shaking my limbs so violently that I thought I would lose one. I remember the terror of thinking I might have brought one of them home. I remember examining my car thoroughly before I exited it, and I remember removing my clothing IN the shower.

That nightmare returned the day I sat in my daughter's apartment watching the show, Infested (which airs on Animal Planet), where I watched millions of mice swarming walls, cockroaches crawling across butter, raccoons confiscating a family home, and bed bugs biting little babies.

Yes, this program is both repulsive and fascinating. But I have to ask, why do infestations always involve ugly bugs and rodents? I would rather see the world infested with butterflies.

If you are as fascinated by the bizarre as I am and you want to watch something truly revolting, check out Animal Planet's program, Infested. Don't – I repeat DON'T eat dinner while you watch that program. (Clicking the links to Infested will take you to Animal Planet's web site for the program.)

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